From time to time I mess up; whether it is as a father,
husband, brother, son or principal, etc. I make mistakes. You get it, right? At some point in any aspect of our life we all
make mistakes. Hopefully, we learn from
them and improve. That is what we are
supposed to do, learn from our mistakes.
For me the first part of this is acknowledgement. I also believe that this is often the most
difficult. Why is this so hard for so
many of us? Is it pride, fear of
failure, appearing weak, anger? The reason can be different for different
mistakes. Whatever the reason when we
have made an error, we need to apologize and say I AM SORRY.
This can be especially powerful for our students to
hear. I was reminded of this during Rita
Pearson’s TED Talk and a recent interaction with a student in my office. She makes light of how students react to
adults that apologize. They almost seem
shocked. They shouldn't. We need to model this skill for them and help
them practice. I asked a student to apologize to another student this
week and they looked at me like I was crazy.
I did not force his hand at the moment because it was obvious he was not ready. My mistake was
forgetting to walk the student through what I would be asking him to do and
practicing it on me. I realized that
this student may have not had to do this before and fears looking weak to peers
by doing so. This is a skill I will
work with him to develop and come back to him when some of the emotion is
removed from the situation. The first thing I will do is apologize for putting him in that situation and come then come back to what he needs to learn and move on.
We also need to model how an apology is received. A colleague of mine, would often be sure to tell students and adults that saying, it's okay, is not an appropriate way to receive an apology. Instead it is important to say thank you. Saying, it's okay, gives the impression that what they did was acceptable. It definitely was not if they are apologizing for it so we need to acknowledge their apology, but not downplay that the behavior was acceptable.
The last part of this equation is forgiveness. It is different depending on every situation and circumstance. You can't tell someone they have to forgive someone else that comes internally. However, I often tell my students that you can forgive somebody without forgetting what they did or how they made you feel.
Be Great!
Matt
